FeedVarla Jean Merman Dazzles Eyes, Ears And… Everything!
Written by NetBear on January 13, 2009 – 3:50 pm -When you’re watching a larger-than-life personality like Varla Jean Merman, she leaps right off the web page to jiggle your funny bone. But as fun as it is to see photos and videos of Varla online, it just can’t compare to seeing her up-close and in person!
Bananas fly as Varla Jean Merman performs Le Freak in her Josephine Baker outfit.
Web media alone just does not do justice to what we saw at a packed performance of Varla Jean’s Victory Lap Dance at The Rrazz Room in San Francisco. And we’ve got more photos to prove it!
Were you a child actor and performer? We envision you as a Shirley Temple type or maybe Baby Jane Hudson. When did you first embark upon on your path to stardom?
Believe it or not, I was never encouraged to perform in public, or even be seen in public… Kind of like that lost child of the Kennedy’s, Rosemary. And even though I never had a lobotomy like her, it was still tough not seeing the light of day for 17 years. Maybe that’s why I am so drawn to the spotlight now. Either way, I am grateful I never was a child star! Look what happens to most of them! I was able to bottom-out and serve jail time in my early twenties without the hassle of having all that money and fame.
In your early career including your role of Marla in Girls Will Be Girls, you had a, shall we say, fuller figure. Did you find you had a slightly different fan base as a dare we say it, more buxom actress?
I think I had the same fan base, but who knows? I was too busy finding my next meal to notice.
We sometimes detect a hint of Edwina from Abfab in some of your early looks. Was that intentional?
I think I was just a product of the times, a slave to fashion, as it were, like Edwina. But nothing on purpose!
Do you think you’re channeling any other icons of stage, film and TV or are you all Varla?
I can’t help being “influenced” by some of my elders, like Ann-Margret and JoAnne Worley.
We were all cheering for you on the Project Runway competition. If I might add, you do know how to work a pant-suit. How was it working with the contestant designers and sharing the stage with other girls who looked, shall we say, a bit competitive?
Oh, thank you! I love that show! I had seen every episode there ever was prior to being on it, so it was very “trippy,” as the kids say. I knew I would look good in a pant-suit. Let’s face it, I wore a very similar one, but in yellow, in the flashback pool-party scene in “Girls Will Be Girls.” I think the girls who did best were the ones who were not afraid to tell their designer exactly what they wanted! I just knew that if the outfit looked bad I would have to stand on the runway with the same look in my eyes that a dog has when it is defacating. You know the one.
And the other girls were a dream. In fact, Hedda Lettuce made me laugh so hard backstage I literally popped a seam open. She got a bad rap. She was performing to the millions of people watching, not dissing her designer. He took it personally. If she would say those exact things on stage to someone in front of a live audience, it would have received laughs. Either way, I think she knew what she was doing. Every TV show needs a Jeannie AND an evil sister, or a Sabrina AND an evil cousin Serena. Take your pick of reference.
Are you aware of the large gay bear following you have?
I have loved the bears, literally, since I started! They are the nicest, sweetest, and loudest audiences and they aren’t afraid to make noise and show emotion! It’s funny how some gays are so caught up in that hyper-masculinity thing hat they want to have nothing to do with the “ladies” of stage or show any emotion in a performance! Not the bears! They scream to high heaven! There is something to be said for loving who you are!
Are you attracted to gentlemen of the hirsute variety? If not, what does float your love boat? Our readers are eager to know.
I love a hairy man more than I love the color pink! And that is saying something! There is nothing better than making a bed after a night of loving a bear and seeing the fur dusted across the sheets. Geez Louise! I need a cold shower!
Varla, we know that your birth name is Varla Jean Roberson. Can you tell us how you acquired your stage name Merman?
I have always proclaimed that I was the love child of the 38 day marriage between Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine. And even though I don’t have what some may call “proof,” I just know it in my heart. I was raised by people who couldn’t have possibly been my real parents. And as a child I realized, after seeing the movie “Airplane” featuring Ethel Merman, that she had to be my real mother and had obviously given me away at a young age to a family in the South. Probably because the sight of my face was too painful. You know, as a reminder of a relationship gone awry.
We saw you perform in Shut Up Sweet Charlotte in San Francisco as Miriam Deering. Your first scene in that vivid dress and gorgeous hairdo stopped the show! We thought you brought a whole new dimension to the role that Olivia DeHavilland could never have pulled off. Are there plans to make Shut Up Sweet Charlotte into a movie? If not, why not? It would be a blockbuster!
I would love to! Who knows? I am touring with a revamped version of the “Charlotte” show starting in Atlanta with a fantastic cast, but would love to bring it back to San Francisco with the amazing Matthew Martin back in as the Bette role!
We heard that at The Rrazz Room you recently allowed a $50 bill and a $20 bill to be lovingly placed in your cleavage by adoring fans. Is this the new trend? Will Varla become even more accessible to her public?
“Keep da flow, wit da dough!” as the urban kids say! I love this new trend! And everyone is accessible if there is a fifty dollar bill to be had!
We love your many and varied videos. Is there a whole team of people behind you creating these nuggets of musical fun?
I love making the videos. But they are so much work and I could never do it all on my own. People like Michael Schiralli, Jacques Lamarre, Mark Cortale, Bill Blanke, Matt Callaway, and VidKid Timo have made them possible!
In your now famous Frankfurter Sandwiches video, where on earth did you find someone with such a huge frankfurter? I mean that thing was enormous! And did you really fit all of it in your mouth?
I have many talents! And the handsome gentleman in the video, Joey Pirolli, a bear BTW, was a previous boyfriend of mine!
When can we hope to see the Varla Jean Boxed-set DVD of all your videos? We think it’d be a big hit and quite a fun stocking-stuffer for the 2009 holidays.
I’m on it now! Great idea! Why didn’t I, I mean my people, think of that?
We heard that you might be saying a fond farewell to your Ing’enue image, maybe settling down a little and toying with some more mature parts. Is this goodbye to the young and wayward Varla Jean, or simply a brief au revoir?
Unfortunately, I think it is finally time to take on the “mother” roles. But not in my own shows!
Varla, we’ve always loved your work. We’ve followed your onstage antics through Shut Up Sweet Charlotte, Holiday Ham, Under a Big Top, Varla Jean Merman Loves a Foreign Tongue and now Varla Jean’s Victory Lap Dance. Can you tell us about any new projects in your pipeline?
My new show, that will be in New Orleans in April and then in P-twon next summer, is a show “intended” for children of gay parents. Yes! From Ingenue to Big Bird! I’ll be a cross between a TeleTubbie and Pee-Wee Herman.
Varla, we at Bearotic are ardent worshipers of your rare and many varied talents. We wish you continued success in all your future endeavors and thank you for taking time after such an action packed evening of fun and frolic to sit and chat with us.
Anytime! And you don’t even have to put a fifty dollar bill in my bra! This one is on me!
Varla Jean’s Victory Lap Dance plays through January 17th at at The Rrazz Room in San Francisco.
When Varla comes to town, don’t pass up a chance to enjoy an evening of crazy-fun comedy from one of the brightest talents we know.
